My Story

Rubycommenting

While working as an RN on an inpatient psych unit, coworkers noticed signs and suggested I see a psychiatrist myself. I was 25 at the time.

That was just the very beginning. More than having a mental illness, I was primarily a victim of narcissistic abuse and didn’t even know it.

I started meds and entered therapy. Being married I cut my work hours from full to part time.

Five years later, after a major suicide attempt, I stopped working entirely and went out on longterm disability.

Stopping working was actually a mistake because my day then lacked structure and I didn’t have the social support that is built into the work environment.

I did however make a portable income work for me in that I moved to two different states. One being Florida the other being Kentucky.

During that time a divorce took place that really didn’t have to happen and in my attempt to remarry I met some ugly characters that might only appear in books.

It was because of these ugly characters that I learned what Narcissism is and became the ultimate survivor that I am today.

(What I went through was quite bad but without it I would have never grown.

I now have the opportunity to write about it in the blogs.

Because I’ve found stories here similar to my own I’ve made some wonderful connections which are perhaps more meaningful than I’ve found anywhere else).

So its been thirty years now since I was first diagnosed. I live in a studio apartment with my dog.

I never returned to work but rather experienced life, worked at getting better, and have tried to develop as a person something that should have taken place more in childhood but I was even surviving back then.

I live quietly often reflecting on my past trying to learn from it and get greater meaning from it.

I don’t want any more time to be wasted so I see the chance that I have is to live now.

I get the most satisfaction out of reading, writing, and mingling.

I seek intimacy. Not every person is capable of it.

I want to simplify and live a principled life.

More than anything I’m too old for any more drama. It’s taken it’s toll. I believe I’ve lost some years from my life.

I’m serious and just don’t want to be bothered anymore by nonsense.

I am living my best life now. I look forward to connecting with bloggers with whom I share a common thread. It would be nice if we could walk this path together, that’s what I said❤️

13 thoughts on “My Story

  1. It is very nice to meet you, Ms. Ruby. Seems like we have quite a few things in common. 🌹

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It means a lot that you stopped by my blog today Wendy. Yes I am looking for fellow survivors and mentors whom I can learn from 😊 💕

      Like

      1. For you Ms Wendy 🌹 ❤️

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Itamacy is so hard after abuse and having a mental illness. Trust is hard, I don’t have to tell you that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Melinda. You are like a guiding light 😊 💕

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Great posts! I’m an RN with a similar story and issues related to my BPD. Keep writing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Happy to meet you! Thanks for stopping by 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m so happy to see you blogging again! I was also a nurse, an LPN. And I, too, have been living on SSDI, since about 2008. I used to call it early retirement. But now that I’m about to turn 69, it’s no longer ear!y.

    When I was in my early forties, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. But the year I turned fifty, I went to a clinic where I was given dozens of psychiatric and physical tests. After about two weeks of this, my diagnosis was changed to PTSD. In my case, I believe that PTSD, or Complex PTSD, is the correct diagnosis. But when I was younger, especially before going through menopause and losing that hormonally disruptive monthly cycle, bipolar did pretty much describe my condition.

    Regardless of what it’s called, life inside my head has been a challenge at times. I’m excited about reading your story.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Linda. Your words mean a lot!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I have a similar story including calling my SSDI early retirement. Glad you are doing well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You sound like a doll. Happy to meet you!

      Like

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