In looking back, there are people who really made me. They are long gone, but thanks to them, I’m benefiting now. These people are in my memory.
It was their way that mattered and made the difference.
When I was young, my Grandmother, would look at me and smile, wind up her Japanese jewelry box, set it down, and as the music played and the doll slowly spun, there was magic in the room. My Grandmother was responsible for that magic. The magic was love.
My babysitter’s house which I preferred to my own home had Hummels in it. Avon children’s soaps. It was the seventies. Remember the magic of the Avon lady?
What made her house special was once again a warm smile. Someone happy to see me. An energy of love in that home. Someone who told me I was good when my own mother would tell me I was bad.
I’m alone and have had happy times and not so happy times and in an attempt to recreate the good past, I’m placing objects in my home that remind me of those loving people.
Aunt Betty who was no drama, consistent, a woman who was very independent and could handle herself well always had her candy dish. It meant nothing to me back then. It is full of meaning now.
A person who has a candy dish out is welcoming. It is an offer of something sweet, free of charge, put it in your pocket for later.
Both my Grandmother and Great Aunt Betty were older than I am now but they were women living single just as I am. They were also both mature. I hope to be mature just like them.
Another thing my Grandmother did was when we sat down to eat our homemade lentil soup was to turn on a small lamp she had on the kitchen table(as pictured in this post). Grandma would once again look at me, smile, turn on the lamp and say, “Candlelight.” Yet another magical moment.
I didn’t know what love was back then but I knew I liked the smiles, the eye contact, the excitement at seeing me.
My moms side of the family was rather cold. Didn’t make eye contact. Didn’t smile. Didn’t talk.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I like people who can engage, people who mirror you.
So I’m keep my Grandmother’s candlelight tradition going at my kitchen table. Oh how I wish she was still here. I was ten years old and she would treat me with respect.
So when my mother and brother visit me here at my apartment I want it to be a warm, welcoming, environment with an energy of love just as those 3 aforementioned women had created.
This is a Christian home and what I mean by that is there is peace, love, warmth, stability, and respect practiced here.
I’ve made so many mistakes in life that I am trying to do this right.
I don’t use regular candles as they are against the rules in my building. I use LED candles only.
The End ❤️