After an awesome session of therapy late this afternoon, I decided to take a shower because I just didn’t feel right. It worked. I feel refreshed now.
Then, I emailed my 12 year penpal even though his computer is down. He is moving within his neighborhood in SC. I just had to write him. It is habit. He will get to it eventually. When he gets his new service.
I was telling him about some of the things I learned in therapy today, like that, I have to love myself first and that any love from others is like icing on the cake.
I learned that the main reason I was so successful in KY was because of being practically no contact with my family(I lived there 2014-2017).
I have to learn to say No and draw more boundaries with friends. Otherwise, I violate myself.
I also have to stop making accusatory, You are statements, and instead ask, Are you…?
I don’t do that on purpose. It just slips out that way.
Still, it’s a correction that I need to make.
I have noticed that a strength I have is that I can keep my cool while others will lose it.
Then I had dishes to do and since I was out of dish detergent, I ran out to Dollar Tree to get some.
While there, I picked up a number of cans of white meat chicken. It’s an inexpensive protein that I often use in my diet.
I’ve been having a problem at my IOP with a new girl. She is hostile/aggressive in demeanor and she intimidates me.
She has made it clear that she doesn’t like me, and that she’s not going to tell me the reason why, or apologize to me for having come down hard on me in group last week.
I am 56. I was assaulted by a woman back in 2016 and also when I was 14 years old. I am not about to get hit again.
I need to learn skills at this IOP and I got permission to learn them virtually while skipping group therapy where that girl is.
She might show up at a skills group I’m in but I’m not as worried because those groups are more structured.
I also want to get out into the real world and integrate more into society. I’m not ready to volunteer yet. I decided to go to church.
I drove around this afternoon and checked out parking at various churches and decided on the Baptist Church down the street.
There may or may not be a return to work in the future while staying on disability, but, it is being talked about with providers. I really think I would feel better if I had a job.
If I can do ok at church, then maybe volunteer. If I do ok there, maybe work half time.
For now I need to learn speaking and thinking skills at IOP. If I can become more skilled, my confidence will grow and help me to do other things.😊 💕