Chasing Happiness

Bad company can ruin a good patio

I will never forget the time a man I met off of a dating site had listed on his profile, “Living with a woman.” Since he was on a dating site, I had taken that as he ‘desires’ to live with a woman. I meet him and find out that I was sorely mistaken. He doesn’t desire to live with a woman, he already ‘does’ live with a woman! My mistake, I assumed that since he was on a dating site that he was available. The joke was on me I guess. I’ve really heard it all by now!

But no, actually I am very happy and in a good head space right now.

My mother and brother had invited me to a nice lunch on a restaurant’s patio and I turned it down. I really didn’t want to sit there for an hour or more and witness the fakeness. In other words, their company isn’t worth the food or the pretty outdoor environment.

Guess what happened? I get a text from my brother asking me if they can bring take-out to me so I said yes and ordered a salad.

Shortly thereafter I get another text asking whether I’d like chicken or shrimp on my salad so I ordered shrimp.

When they arrived at my apartment I find out they asked for a double serving of shrimp like I have usually ordered in the past.

This caused me to rethink my mother and brother.

It appears they tried to please me.

Have I been wrong about them all along or do they realize that I’m truly fed up with them so the double order of shrimp is some kind of peace offering?

Whatever the case, I have been avoiding both of them meaning no calling or texting and I have been much happier.

A fellow blogger here on WordPress had advised, “Get rid of the toxic people.”

I’m trying to reinvent Kentucky. Kentucky is a State that I had lived in for 3 years on my own. I was independent and happy. All except for my longterm online relationship. The relationship is real I just think the guy might be difficult to live with as he has denied being married.

But yes, I hadn’t talked to family for the three years that I was living there.

My therapist thinks the no or extremely low contact has a lot to do with my state of mind.

In the past my mom has interfered with my relationships and has taken from me the very things that make me happy. She’s also the type to destroy my confidence or make me question myself when I’ve already proven myself before. Right, like my past achievements hadn’t happened.

I could be hanging on to a rope with one hand and she would cry “You can’t make it,” causing me to let go and fall to a death.

I need to hear words that strengthen me.

If no ones around I can strengthen myself.

Another WordPress blogger gives herself affirmations. That’s something else I’m going to try.

Change the internal dialogue. The tape in my head.

I have found al-anon meetings and they are just perfect for me. I listen to a group of solid, no nonsense, wise people, who tell it like it is which are the very things I need to hear.

These are virtual meetings. My weekly therapy with my psychologist is virtual also. That is one good thing that came out of the pandemic.

So these al-anon people aren’t toxic.

So really what I’m doing is learning to do life as a happy independent.

I had been a dependent relationship addict who did fine if the partner was an all around decent person but then I met toxic ones and stayed with them because I couldn’t be alone. My life got hurt and the kicker was that the toxic person ended up leaving me!

So I live alone now with my dog who is exceptionally well behaved and loyal.

I would like a person but I don’t ‘need’ a person.

I recommend pets for people who are healing from toxic relationships.

So now as I meet my own needs, at first I had to know what my needs were, I am in the position to choose my company rather than tolerating abuse.

That changes a lot. I have the upper hand now over my life. I can be alone. I now know how.

My Great Aunt and paternal Grandmother whom I’ve spoken of before here in this blog were happy independents, no nonsense, and no drama.

I did call my mom today just to tell her something about technology that I thought she should know as she’s just learning and she thanked me for calling. Thanking ‘me’ for calling. Imagine that.

Now that I don’t call often Im treated better. Kind of like turning down lunch on the restaurants patio.

Making yourself scarce can be a good thing. Too much availability people can take you for granted or much worse, abuse you.

Don’t let it happen. 💜 😊 🌟 🌈

9 thoughts on “Chasing Happiness

  1. Until I finally got some help for my PTSD, I could not bear to be alone. I was broken, needy, starved for love, eager to please, and I had no self-esteem. So naturally, I was a prime target for users and abusers.

    In 2003, I finally healed enough to be able to be alone. I won’t put up with abuse, ever again. Having that mindset has made all the difference!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes Linda, that describes me, or at least who I used to be until recently. You were healed by 2003. I’m wondering what year you met your husband. I think I’m only healing now. I’ve been alone for awhile but I was suffering. Having my dog is a big help 😊 💕

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I met my husband at work on October 13, 2003. We became friends, as we discovered that we had so much in common. Several months into our coworker/friendship relationship, he asked me to marry him. I told him No Thanks, I was very happy being on my own, and I wanted us to just remain friends. He kept asking, I kept giving him the same answer.
        Then one day, in the summer of 2004, I fell and broke several ribs. The pain of simply breathing was excruciating. My doctor prescribed a powerful pain pill. While under the influence of that pain medication, I married him! Later, after my ribs healed and I stopped the pain meds, I worried that I had made another terrible mistake. We went for couple counseling, and he checked into a month long program at a VA hospital for help with his severe PTSD. Finally, I have a love relationship that isn’t abusive, with a man who is willing to humble himself and get help when it’s needed. It still boggles my mind, sometimes.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you so much for sharing your story Linda! It is my hope that I can eventually find another good guy 😊 💕

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I wish I had read your blog much earlier on. The bit that really resonates with me…..

    Making yourself scarce can be a good thing. Too much availability people can take you for granted or much worse, abuse you.

    This is something I think about a lot. I am so loyal and sometimes this really backfires on me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I only learned this now. I kept repeating the same mistakes. I’m on my own reviewing my life now and trying to learn from it. There ARE good people who won’t abuse a loyal person like this because I’ve known them. The truth is they are already taken or are few and far in between. Thank you for your comment. 😊 💕

      Like

  3. It’s so empowering to know that you can get by just fine on your own. Good for you for sticking to boundaries with your family! 💖

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Ashley. Sticking to my boundaries seems to have a pleasant payoff ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

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