Toxic Until Proven Otherwise

On my own. You can trust yourself.

Please understand something. I was diagnosed with a personality disorder a long time ago and got therapy etc but I was never that bad. It seems that many people I’ve encountered are worse than myself.

I am a loving trusting gullible type as I’m a people person but a lot of this is changing based on bad experiences.

If I am a Borderline with Antisocial traits then what on earth are these other people diagnosed with?

Full fledged Antisocial? Psychopath? Malignant Narcissist?

I have an Axis I of Schizoaffective Bipolar type so I’m not looking for trouble with having that diagnosis to manage. Stress affects me so I am well behaved at all costs and only recently have started practicing drawing boundaries.

I was punished for everything as a kid so I learned to just sit there and take orders like a breathing doll.

What I’m saying is that I’m vulnerable.

The world is getting worse.

I’ve taken to the 4 walls of my apartment and my 10 pound dogs company.

My communication with just a few is through technology.

Rather than seeking people I now let them seek me. Because I’ve been through so much I now say, Toxic Until Proven Otherwise.

This is in the name of self protection.

I’m not a fighter I am a flee-er. I run from trouble rather than make it. I retreat and I’ve had enough.

I’m taking comfort in books because they are safe.

I have a new friend who seems to understand me and believe me. We’ve been friends for about 6 months and he has proven himself otherwise. A safe person alas!

Today I am walking and fasting. I want to lose 5 more pounds. I tell myself I’ve had plenty to eat.

I don’t need to shop either I’m in abundance.

Saving money is my path to freedom.

My other thought is Could I have been misdiagnosed?

9 thoughts on “Toxic Until Proven Otherwise

  1. Fasting Therapy is one of the nature’s oldest, most effective and yet least expensive method of treating diseases, recognised as the achievement of natural healing. Throughout medical history, it has been regarded as one of the most dependable curative methods. It refers to complete abstinence from food for a particular period pertaining to a specific purpose.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading my post and commenting. To think I had thought I invented fasting myself! 😊 💕

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Antisocial traits? I’m just not seeing it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It was the results of an MMPI that I took about 15 years ago. I was so out of it back then I’m not sure the results are valid. I’m thinking my biggest problem is being the victim of others projections and believing them. I am only now learning who I am.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are growing so much! 💖

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Good hearing from you Ashley. Thank you for the encouragement. I started going to virtual al-anon meetings and they are helping me. Instead of dealing with alcoholics I deal with abusers. Might as well be the same thing❤️

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I’m glad the meetings are helping!

        Liked by 1 person

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