Toxic Until Proven Otherwise

Please understand something. I was diagnosed with a personality disorder a long time ago and got therapy etc but I was never that bad. It seems that many people I’ve encountered are worse than myself.

I am a loving trusting gullible type as I’m a people person but a lot of this is changing based on bad experiences.

If I am a Borderline with Antisocial traits then what on earth are these other people diagnosed with?

Full fledged Antisocial? Psychopath? Malignant Narcissist?

I have an Axis I of Schizoaffective Bipolar type so I’m not looking for trouble with having that diagnosis to manage. Stress affects me so I am well behaved at all costs and only recently have started practicing drawing boundaries.

I was punished for everything as a kid so I learned to just sit there and take orders like a breathing doll.

What I’m saying is that I’m vulnerable.

The world is getting worse.

I’ve taken to the 4 walls of my apartment and my 10 pound dogs company.

My communication with just a few is through technology.

Rather than seeking people I now let them seek me. Because I’ve been through so much I now say, Toxic Until Proven Otherwise.

This is in the name of self protection.

I’m not a fighter I am a flee-er. I run from trouble rather than make it. I retreat and I’ve had enough.

I’m taking comfort in books because they are safe.

I have a new friend who seems to understand me and believe me. We’ve been friends for about 6 months and he has proven himself otherwise. A safe person alas!

Today I am walking and fasting. I want to lose 5 more pounds. I tell myself I’ve had plenty to eat.

I don’t need to shop either I’m in abundance.

Saving money is my path to freedom.

My other thought is Could I have been misdiagnosed?