I love you, but, not at the expense of myself.

Woman choosing herself

So I have mentioned that I’ve been in a relationship for a couple of months.

At first I decided he was too immature. Then I doubted myself and gave him more chances.

Now, I’ve seen and heard enough that my decision becomes more clear.

I want to be specific. I over looked his serious mental illness that he responsibly takes meds for.

What I continue to see and it’s only getting worse is his emotional immaturity, testing limits, behavior problems, being difficult, and a lack of respect.

He knows he is inexperienced and yet he doesn’t listen to me. He wants to make the rules.

I correct his behavior problems and he gets angry. So I explain myself in several different ways and then he is annoyed that I am repeating myself.

I bend over backwards to make him happy and yet he doesn’t like anything I’ve done for him.

Meanwhile I overlook things and have been very forgiving and don’t complain when I could.

I know that I’m healthier and in the position to teach but he doesn’t take me seriously or think that I know what I’m talking about.

I know for me I really want a relationship so I’m going to give it my all.

He is becoming problematic. Not always behaving appropriately on the grounds of my new apartment complex.

Let me put it this way. I’m more careful and cautious where I live than he is.

I’ve told him that I don’t want to get too friendly with the neighbors yet he will be the first to wave.

I will correct him, teach, explain, give my reasons why and he only changes his behavior if I threaten to take his visiting away.

I’m not saying that I’m perfect, and yes he is more seriously ill than myself. He knows how to cook better than I do, plus, he can drive a stick shift quite well which is something that I can’t do at all.

I’ve had 31 years of individual psychotherapy, and he has had none.

He did say that one of his diagnoses is a personality disorder.

I even overlooked that he has been in group homes.

I finally exclaim to myself I’ve put up with way more than I should have plus I had the right idea in the first place and shouldn’t have doubted myself.

The other thing I see is that he likes to draw attention to himself and believes himself to be special. These are conclusions I’ve drawn after hearing him say a number of different things.

I hate to say it but I feel like I’ve done him a favor in giving him so many chances and he doesn’t see that or appreciate it.

He is under a much higher level of care than myself plus I used to be a certified psychiatric and mental health nurse and he doesn’t want to listen to me.

Relationship done. Nothing too intimate happened thank goodness. I wonder if there’s a way in the future to still have an occasional meal together.

For now I feel I have to create distance so he gets the message.

My heart is not as soft as it once was. In my case, that’s a good thing.

Going back to my single life 😊 💕 ✨ 🌈 💜

2 thoughts on “I love you, but, not at the expense of myself.

  1. …it’s probably for the best that you’re backing off — it is exceptionally difficult for two people with a mental illness to be in a dating relationship together. One person almost always becomes the nurse for the other, at the expense of their own recovery.

    https://saltedlithium.com/2008/01/23/spaced-out/

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for that and well said. I see myself as being in much better shape than him. What bothers me was that even when I was 8 years old, I knew my best friend was smarter than me. He doesn’t get that even though I’m more accomplished. I don’t mind teaching but he won’t listen. In the end the toll his behavior took on me wasn’t worth his companionship. It’s going to be a little hard because I will miss the good things about him. Thanks again 😊 💕

      Liked by 1 person

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