Look To Others For Icing Your Cake

Someone said at an al-anon meeting that being envious makes you a victim.

I thought about it and she was right. Envy and jealousy are very difficult emotions to manage. It’s also giving power to the other person, “You have something I want.”

I thought about it more and decided that wanting anything from a person makes you dependent and thus a victim.

Back when I was in IOP, my clinician pointed out that I looked for external validation.

What happens if I don’t get validation from others? I become emotional.

I really should be validating myself.

I was just never that independent.

I am becoming more independent since I learned that without it you are at risk for abuse. I mean at least having the ability to live alone.

I never dreamed of being so independent that I had to love myself because no one loves me.

My life has changed so much since I was young. It is becoming more and more bare bones in terms of people and resources.

Actually there are three people in my family who I know love me it’s just that I don’t get to see them that often. I also have two very good friends and of course my dog!

I was divorced in my early 40’s and really believed that I would remarry. It didn’t happen. So then I said to myself, “Well in that case, I will have friends.”

As it turns out, making new friends hasn’t been that easy either.

I had found that my wanting friends and yearning for friends had done what? Made me a victim because once again I was emotional.

I am a very friendly person and a I have found that my overtures are often met with rejection.

So talk about being truly independent and not wanting or needing anything from anybody.

It can be lonely, but, at least I won’t be a victim.

How about this….Be truly independent and anything you get from anyone else is icing on the cake!

2 thoughts on “Look To Others For Icing Your Cake

  1. I appreciate your comment Melinda, it gives me more to think about. I believe wanting things can motivate you to do better such as working hard for extra money. I guess I was talking about the things money cannot buy. Like more friends, a husband, beauty etc. Like for me I can’t really work at all to bring more money in but I will tell you what I have done. I started getting really smart with money and buying less clutter. I’m pretty much over my shopping addiction so now it’s like my income grew! That makes me happy. In looking back I was much luckier when I was younger and I believed I was responsible for that. I wanted something or someone I managed to get it. Not as lucky as an older person. The same things don’t work as well for me. By the way, I’ve been wanting to contribute more to the Survivors Blog but either I forgot how to share a post there or something has changed technically 😊 💕

    Liked by 1 person

  2. While understand the logic of what she said I don’t think that applies to wanting something in general. Being envious does create tons of negativity for yourself, I had my period wen I was starting out at work. I wanted the nice clothes, shoes, handbags, you name it. I didn’t have the money so I didn’t have a choice but to learn the wanting can be the same as goals. Goals something you want and work to get. Wanting more out of life does not make you a victim. These are my thoughts, those were hers, you have decide for yourself when and if your a victim. Being victimized can be very easy, we have to earn peoples trust first, in life we’re still going to be let down. That doesn’t go away no matter how much money you have. To build your confidence, take what people say and think about all the angles, then decided what you think about it. Craving love is something I can totally relate to. I have a brother who lives far away, we text a couple of times a year, no other family and no friends. I understand that part completely. I also understand the wanting to get married. I got divorced at 38 and looked forward to meeting a man that was great to be around. For me, I’ve had better luck when you just let it happen. Be open to dating and marriage but not searching for it. Search for what you want in life and then build it. It’s very hard to start over and starting over at a later age is hard but we take our time, make a few mistakes and then find out who we are now. then go for building you, forget making others happy, make yourself happy. Do things for yourself like go to the Art Museams, festiviles, craft shows, fulfill your inner need and it will help you in any relationship. We can’t let other’s define who we are, we do that. Be nice but work to let things fly off your shoulder. I know it’s hard when you add a mental illness to our life but we can take our meds, get help and ask for help. I hope this gives you a different perspective. It is a good example of life, each has their own ideas. Have a great day. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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