In looking back much of what I was told when I was in therapy a long time ago were things that I didn’t see.
Many years later when I finally saw it another therapist told me that I was wrong about it.
I’ve also had therapists completely validate me.
Then the next one says that what’s happening in my life isn’t happening.
I’ve had 32 years of continual weekly sometimes more than weekly therapy. Therapists have changed mostly because of moving and relocating.
I was so agreeable and passive and sought to get along that I would give up my reality and adopt the therapists.
I like my therapist now in that she is a woman, she is Christian, and is current. She also validates me.
I like the support and also what she teaches me.
I’m really over providers telling me that events in my life didn’t happen or aren’t happening.
In fact I feel sorry for them.
Sometimes you can be hung on a misspoken word for instance saying “I know,” rather than “I think.” You can be called delusional.
I knew a provider to be abusive rather consistently. So when I terminated another provider upped my medication. She didn’t believe me. In fact she said she wouldn’t believe me.
Psychiatry can be a business. A therapist can have mental illness themselves.
Even poor character. They are human in fact.
I think I was seeing them as God which is a lot in the way my mother raised me. To be worshipping.
Some therapists keep you down rather than seeing you get better because they have a spouse at home to support. They might not even realize they are doing it.
I know that psychiatrists can sometimes have psychiatrists.
One recent therapist I saw didn’t see borderline personality in me. This is the one who didn’t believe my bad experiences and instead called me paranoid. I terminated with him.
The next one wouldn’t allow me to retake the MMPI and provoked symptoms in me. In fact he lost control of himself a few times but held it against me in the end when I finally reacted myself.
I think I’m a bipolar I, because once in a hospital they changed my meds and I had very, extremely rapid speech. So rapid it wasn’t humanly possible.
I was completely logical and in control while that was happening.
I know I need a mood stabilizer anyway. I’m no fool.
What I want now is more skill building and education. Learn critical thinking etc.
Also relationship skills with less of an imbalance of power. The therapist will have more power but see to it they don’t abuse it.
It’s been a learning experience but I am now more able to trust myself and stand alone.
The other thing I do is believe in God and try very hard to be a good Christian. I’m also focusing on survival, Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs.
I’ve become quite powerless over the years.
I am now standing up more for me.
I’ve had so much invalidation, I believe it kept me in the sick role dependent and angry.