Thoughts On Therapy

In looking back much of what I was told when I was in therapy a long time ago were things that I didn’t see.

Many years later when I finally saw it another therapist told me that I was wrong about it.

I’ve also had therapists completely validate me.

Then the next one says that what’s happening in my life isn’t happening.

I’ve had 32 years of continual weekly sometimes more than weekly therapy. Therapists have changed mostly because of moving and relocating.

I was so agreeable and passive and sought to get along that I would give up my reality and adopt the therapists.

I like my therapist now in that she is a woman, she is Christian, and is current. She also validates me.

I like the support and also what she teaches me.

I’m really over providers telling me that events in my life didn’t happen or aren’t happening.

In fact I feel sorry for them.

Sometimes you can be hung on a misspoken word for instance saying “I know,” rather than “I think.” You can be called delusional.

I knew a provider to be abusive rather consistently. So when I terminated another provider upped my medication. She didn’t believe me. In fact she said she wouldn’t believe me.

Psychiatry can be a business. A therapist can have mental illness themselves.

Even poor character. They are human in fact.

I think I was seeing them as God which is a lot in the way my mother raised me. To be worshipping.

Some therapists keep you down rather than seeing you get better because they have a spouse at home to support. They might not even realize they are doing it.

I know that psychiatrists can sometimes have psychiatrists.

One recent therapist I saw didn’t see borderline personality in me. This is the one who didn’t believe my bad experiences and instead called me paranoid. I terminated with him.

The next one wouldn’t allow me to retake the MMPI and provoked symptoms in me. In fact he lost control of himself a few times but held it against me in the end when I finally reacted myself.

I think I’m a bipolar I, because once in a hospital they changed my meds and I had very, extremely rapid speech. So rapid it wasn’t humanly possible.

I was completely logical and in control while that was happening.

I know I need a mood stabilizer anyway. I’m no fool.

What I want now is more skill building and education. Learn critical thinking etc.

Also relationship skills with less of an imbalance of power. The therapist will have more power but see to it they don’t abuse it.

It’s been a learning experience but I am now more able to trust myself and stand alone.

The other thing I do is believe in God and try very hard to be a good Christian. I’m also focusing on survival, Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs.

I’ve become quite powerless over the years.

I am now standing up more for me.

I’ve had so much invalidation, I believe it kept me in the sick role dependent and angry.

10 thoughts on “Thoughts On Therapy

  1. I’m so glad that you have a caring, validating, Christian therapist now.

    Yes, therapists are human and make mistakes, the same as any other group of humans. Some people choose to become therapists because they are looking for help for their own psychiatric problems.

    More than half a century ago, when I was 15 years old, I was raped by a psychiatrist. Thanks to two caring nurses, he was arrested. Of course, he denied that he was guilty. A couple of his friends actually blamed me, a very broken fifteen year old, for ‘ruining the life of a wonderful man.’ In the end, the psychiatrist committed suicide, rather than go to prison. About a year later, one of his two friends who had blamed me to my face, drove hundreds of miles to apologize to me.

    Yes, therapists are human. Finding a really good therapist isn’t easy. My very precious daughter is a therapist. I am proud of her. She called me a couple of days ago and told me that she was feeling stressed due to some things that a couple of her clients had told her, and she needed to hear my voice to make herself feel batter. It’s not easy listening to people’s problems all day.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Linda, I am always so happy when you comment. I often turn to the things you’ve told me during times of struggle. I have been abused most of my life and still managed to be a good person. Being on disability so many years my income lost value. I worry because I could possibly live 40 more years. I had to abandon my mom because the abuse was intensifying to a point it was either her inheritance or my health. I said goodbye to the money. Making decisions has been easy for me now finally. I have enough facts, am disciplined, and can easily say, This is better than that. I was assigned the role of bad child who should remain powerless. Look what happened to me. I have faith though now because I am a Christian 😊 💕

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I wish we lived close by so we could visit together.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You could always email me. I would love that 😊 💕

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Funny thing, I was getting your email address off of one of your comments on my blog, right when you posted this comment. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Good 👍 Yes please feel free to email me anytime 😊 💕

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Your story is so amazing and I completely believe you. I am sorry that you were traumatized, it must have been awful, but, you prevailed and came out on top. I love stories like this where the truth comes out and good prevails.😊 💕

      Liked by 1 person

    3. It seems the more honest I get with my doctors the more meds they prescribe me. I’m over it. They can’t handle the truth? 😊 💕

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I know what you mean. I have met some wonderful, caring, healing therapists and physicians. But some are just in it for themselves, it seems. The two friends of the abusive doctor who blamed me to my face, after the nurses, not me, had reported the doctor and had him arrested — one of those men was also a psychiatrist. The other one was the guidance counselor at the school I was attending. It was the guidance counselor who finally saw the light and drove all that way to apologize to me a year later.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. What an amazing ending. I love it! 😊 💕

        Liked by 1 person

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