After attending an al-anon meeting yesterday I was so much better. Better as in feeling stabilized.
In looking back, dealing with my narc mom was like putting out fires constantly.
Whether I lived with her or not(we could be living apart but talking on the phone). I was growing tired from working so hard and getting nowhere. Even falling behind.
The first thing I needed was a proper education because I was programmed wrong as a kid.
Once I got some of the proper facts straight, I could review my past and learn from it.
Such as realizing that person A was a real friend and person B wasn’t.
Maybe person C was sometimes a friend.
What I’m concluding is that anyone who enforces a dependency is basically a not good person unless they themselves don’t have the facts straight or think that dependency is truly ok.
Sometimes it is. Dependency is ok if there is no abuse going on.
A wise woman recently told me that your best friend will stab you in the back and to always be looking ahead.
This is one reason I have a dog.
A real friend will believe you, respect you, tell you how to get from point A to point B safely and as easily as possible.
People who instill self doubt and have you take the long and tiring way while they secretly laugh at you are not real friends.
If people are enforcing a dependency they are most likely doing it for their own survival.
They won’t admit this though. Sometimes it’s conscious on their part, at other times it’s not.
I look to my therapist to support me, help me grow, educate me, guide me so I can make better decisions in life.
(You see, I didn’t get these things as a kid).
In looking back over decades of therapy, there were therapists who didn’t believe me and this was upsetting because I felt like I was losing my mind all over again.
Maybe I never lost it. I was gullible and believed what I was told.
A therapist can’t help you unless the facts of your life are agreed upon.
My advice, once you have a therapist who believes you, stick with them.
If they don’t, waste no time, thank them and make a departure.
I remember my mom enforced a financial dependency. Hid my benefits from me. She was completing housing assistance paper work for a friend but told me that I wasn’t eligible, that in fact, I had SO much money!
Believe it or not a Sociopath boyfriend warned me that I had a poverty income in fact.
My mom offered to pay my copays at my psychiatrists office if I would make her the emergency contact. Believing that she cared about me and was helping me I went along with this.
Flash forward to the past, I recalled her telling me as a teenager that she lied to my fathers psychiatrist and justified it.
She said she thought she knew better than the doctor.
She ended up controlling the doctor.
So I am free now and am smart enough to value my freedom.
I have my benefits now. You need financial independence. It is truly that important.
If you are treated well and are financially dependent on another? Consider yourself lucky. Realize that a person could change and you could wind up being in trouble yourself.
I risk losing money if I don’t associate with my family but while in deep thought I concluded that being more poor was better than dealing with the chaos and abuse.
I realized that I wasn’t thriving so well and that I could in fact die first.
I googled on this conclusion and found out that I was right that the chaos will kill you before the poverty does.
I am really making the right, hard choices now.
Independence is really that important if you come from a toxic family.
If you enter into a relationship, make sure you can leave it.
The idea is, don’t need anyone. Want someone yes.
The therapist siding with your family is only working against you.
***Simply you speaking about a person not having good intentions towards you can be enough to hospitalize you if the therapist thinks you are projecting.***
Maybe the therapist can’t handle your awful truth.
He or she sees you as the threat instead.
They are more worried about their license than you I’m afraid.
Silly me, I was taught to put the other person first.
Foolish me, I thought other people were like me.
I’ve got my own little independent situation now finally and I am privately proud.
Knowing what I know now…I speak little and spend little.
I am in fact repairing my own car rather than taking it to a shop.
A real friend was the one who told me how to do this.
I am hoping to keep recovering so I can be back at the top😊 💕 🌈 💜